Looking for a Filipina wife advice.


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I don't know how many times foreigners have asked me how to find a good Filipina for a wife.  I would guess 300.  Foreigners want to come to the Philippines, find a good woman, maybe have some kids and settle down.  Some want to find one and take them back to their home.  I've been married and in the Philippines four years.  I met my wife on the internet.  Here is my advice.

The first thing I would do now (hindsight) is to evaluate my own situation.  Am I ready to retire and move to the Philippines or do I want to bring a wife to my home country?  There is a huge difference in difficulty between these two situations.  But, there are steps I would take for both situations that are the same.

When you start looking for someone, inevitably you will either use a dating service or just come over here and meet ladies.  My advice is to pick where you will initially stay in the Philippines and places you plan to visit and then find some ladies on line that live there.  Many Filipinas are willing to help you find your way around when you first arrive.  First rule is to state in your profile or your first text that you don't send money to anyone until after you have met them and spent personal time with them.  Then maybe.  No lying to get them in the sack.  Warning!!!  If you do mess around here, you must be warned that getting pregnant with your baby is a  very desireable situation in the minds of some.  Get a vasectomy, if at all possible, or use contraceptives or abstain until you are sure about the lady.

Now for your situation.  If you are looking to find a wife to export to your home country, it is going to take a lot of time and expense making sure she is the one.  You don't want to take trouble to your own back yard.  There are many who have great wives who brought them home after a short engagement and quick marriage.  But, do you feel lucky?  Well, do you?

Option two is to come here to live whether you find a woman or not. (odds are you will find several).  This is the easiest and less stressful road to take.  Make expat friends.  Make lady friends.  Get yourself known.  Date here and there.  Enjoy the Philippines and then gradually make your decision.  Remember this.  Good Filipina wives are great amd last forever, but bad ones last to long and cost to much to get rid of.  You have to take your time and not rush into anything.

EVERYONE HAS AN  OPINION:  When you start asking for help in finding a good Filipina, you will get many different advisements.  Some will say don't use the internet at all or any of the dating services.  Some will say fly over here and do your looking in person.  Each guy has a different set of circumstances.  If you are still working, it is difficult to spend much time in the Philippines.  Maybe you just don't have the money to keep coming back. Here is the best advice I can give you.

I used the internet and a dating service to talk to many Filipinas.  I started six months before I left the US.  Any Filipina asking for money for any reason I blocked.  They have many easily recognized tricks.  Sickness in family and school tuition are some examples.  I consider it very rude to ask complete strangers for money.  It was easy to dump those.  The ones that were nice enough to answer my questions and take the time to explain life here I kept contact with. 
Many of them said they would meet me when I arrived and help me get settled.  I also had a back up plan with an expat in Cebu if that didn't work out.  Maybe I was lucky, but I found one that met me at the airport, found a rental for me in advance, protected me from the local merchants who raise prices when they see a white face and countless other little things to help me adapt.

For those of you who have to go back home because you can't retire the road is longer and bumpier.  Unless you have lots of time you can spend in the Philippines, it will take a long time to settle on one Filipina.  After you find one you must begin the long process of getting her to your home country, unless you expect her to wait many years for you to retire.  At any time during this process something can go wrong and a guy can end up starting all over again.  You may be heart broken, but you are much better off finding out before you are married.

This is about all the advice I have to give except to say don't let her or her relatives push you into marriage or anything else before you feel comfortable with the idea.  Filipinos like to tell foreigners that they have certain obligations to the family once they marry a Filipina and they all cost you money.  I suggest you not live in the same town as they do if this occurs. 

OH!  I want to emphasize the importance of identifying good moral character.  My personal circumstances were that I found a very religious woman with solid convictions about marriage and dedication.  She is very religious, but she is not  a fanatic.  I realize now how important her upbringing is to our marriage.



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